How to Communicate Effectively

Words are the foundation of communication. “Body language” is an important part to sending and receiving messages. Your delivery includes your tone of voice, timing and tempo. Communication skills involve our ability to listen. Our communication must be effective to achieve success and happiness at work, in our friendships and our family relationships. When we achieve growth in our communication skills it allows us to:

1. Make discoveries 

2. Learn about ourselves 

3. Solve problems
4. Develop new skills
5. Have enjoyment

The types of messages you send to people are statements, questions, commands and warnings. Your words and gestures make up the elements of language. Your messages are communicated by your voice, touch, silence, gestures and written forms such as books, email and web pages. Communication is affected by emotions, as well as by physical surroundings. It is not only what you say but how you say it. Communication is affected by your speech being quickly or slowly, if you cut someone off, or wait to speak, talk out of turn, or wait too long to bring up issues. Clenched fists may indicate anger. Frequent eye contact may indicate that you are caring. Your choice of words in a given situation tells if you are formal or informal, public or private, serious or relaxed, doubtful or hopeful. Your feelings such as pride, anger, impatience, joy and sorrow can all be expressed through your tone of voice.

Effective Listening Skills are important and essential to good communication.
1. Pay close attention to the speaker.
2. Never interrupt
3. Ask questions that show you're listening
4. Show you understand by reflective listening (Rephrasing what is said using your own words) Show that you are really tuned in. You may say. “Sounds like that made you really angry” or “It must have made you very frustrated” Take advantage of opportunities to express your approval. It will encourage further communication.

It is not easy to disagree with someone. But not expressing your position will not aid communication. 

1. Focus on the problem or issue (Not the person)
2. Explain your position (With concrete reasons)
3. Use “I” statements. Talk in terms of yourself. Example” I really feel frustrated when you ask me to cut my prices. I believe with the quality I give that my prices are very reasonable.” Speak honestly and openly without attacking others. You have the right to say “no” and state your needs and the changes you would like to happen. It is natural to become angry, upset or happy and satisfied. Be true to your feelings. Steer clear of being too passive and avoiding conflicts, too aggressive both verbally and physically, passive and aggressive by trying to control others in subtle and sneaky ways.

Good Telephone Habits:
1. Pick up after 2 or 3 rings.
2. Identify yourself and your organization. Ask the name of the caller.
3. Take notes and avoid asking them to repeat themselves.
4. Ask permission to place them on hold.
5. Always call back if your disconnected.

When your calling:
Leave a clear and concise messages. Include your name, your organization, day, time, purpose of your call and a number where you can be reached.

Business Meetings:
1. Share your agenda in advance. Plan on covering a few main points. Avoid overloading.
2. Invite only key people.
3. Choose an appropriate space.
4. Consider comfort with good lighting and comfortable seating.
5. Take minutes and distribute them after the meeting.

Presentations:
1. Research and organize your topics in advance.
2. Learn as much as you can about your audience.
3. Use video or audio aids to increase understanding and hold attention.
4. Prepare notes but don't read directly from them.
5. Rehearse your presentation, especially new material. 

6. Anticipate questions, try to prepare your answers

Letters:
1.Organize your thoughts before you begin.
2. Write a first draft.
3. Make necessary revisions.
4. Pay attention to tone, formal, familiar.
5. Organization
6 Correct spelling
7. Then write the final draft.

Memos:
1. Be polite and direct
2. Points should be explained clearly
3. Format should follow the organization's guidelines

Reports:
Understand your purpose before researching and writing drafts. Your structure will be the main importance so it will be easy to read.
1. Title and title page
2. Table of contents
3. Introduction
4. Summary
Proofread all written work. If possible have someone else proofread as well.

So how do you know when your skills have matured to the point that you’ve become an excellent communicator? The answer is that you’ll have reached the point where your interactions with others consistently use the following 10 principles:

1. Speak not with a forked tongue: In most cases people just won’t open up those they don’t trust. When people have a sense that a leader is worthy of their trust they will invest time and take risks in ways they would not if their leader had a reputation built upon poor character or lack of integrity. While you can attempt to demand trust it rarely works. Trust is best created by earning it with right acting, thinking, and decisioning. Keep in mind that people will forgive many things where trust exists, but will rarely forgive anything where trust is absent.  
2. Get personal: There is great truth in the axiom that states: “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Classic business theory tells leaders to stay at arms length. I say stay at arms length if you want to remain in the dark receiving only highly sanitized versions of the truth. If you don’t develop meaningful relationships with people you’ll never know what’s really on their mind until it’s too late to do anything about it.  
3. Get specific: Specificity is better than Ambiguity 11 times out of 10: Learn to communicate with clarity. Simple and concise is always better than complicated and confusing. Time has never been a more precious commodity than it is in today’s marketplace. It is critical that you know how to cut to the chase and hit the high points, and that you expect the same from others. Without understanding the value of brevity and clarity it is unlikely that you’ll ever be afforded the opportunity to get to the granular level as people will tune you out long before you ever get there. Your goal is to weed out the superfluous and to make your words count.
4. Focus on the leave-behinds not the take-aways: The best communicators develop the ability to get the information they need while leaving the other party feeling as if they got more out of the conversation than you did. While you can accomplish this by being disingenuous, that is not the goal. When you truly focus more on what you leave behind than what you take away you will have accomplished the goal. Even though this may seem counter-intuitive, by intensely focusing on the other party’s wants, needs & desires, you’ll learn far more than you ever would by focusing on your agenda.
5. Have an open mind: I’ve often said that the rigidity of a closed mind is the single greatest limiting factor of new opportunities. In my opinion a leader takes their game to a whole new level the minute they willingly seek out those who hold dissenting opinions and opposing positions with the goal not of convincing them to change their minds, but with the goal of understanding what’s on their mind. I’m always amazed at how many people are truly fearful of opposing views as opposed to being genuinely curious and interested. Open dialogs with those that confront you, challenge you, stretch you, and develop you. Remember that it’s not the opinion that matters, but rather the willingness to discuss it with an open mind.
6. Shut-up and listen: Simply broadcasting your message ad-nauseum will not have the same result as engaging in meaningful conversation, but this assumes that you understand that the greatest form of discourse takes place within a conversation, and not a lecture or a monologue. When you reach that point in your life where the light bulb goes off, and you begin to understand that knowledge is not gained by flapping your lips, but by removing your ear wax, you have taken the first step to becoming a skilled communicator.
7. Replace ego with empathy: I have long advised leaders not to let their ego write checks that their talent can’t cash. When cador is communicated with empathy & caring and not the prideful arrogance of an over inflated ego good things begin to happen. Empathetic communicators display a level of authenticity and transparency that is not present with those who choose to communicate behind the carefully crafted facade propped-up by a very fragile ego. Understanding the this communication principle is what helps turn anger into respect and doubt into trust.
8. Read between the lines: Take a moment and reflect back on any great leader that comes to mind…you’ll find that they are very adept at reading between the lines. They have the uncanny ability to understand what is not said, witnessed, or heard. Being a leader should not be viewed as a license to increase the volume of rhetoric. Rather astute leaders know that there is far more to be gained by surrendering the floor than by filibustering. In this age of instant communication, everyone seems to be in such a rush to communicate what’s on their mind that they fail to realize everything to be gained from the minds of others. Keep your eyes & ears open and your mouth shut and you’ll be amazed at how your level or organizational awareness is raised.
9. When you speak, know what you’re talking about: Develop a technical command over your subject matter. If you don’t possess subject matter expertise, few people will give you the time of day. Most successful people have little interest in listening to those individuals that cannot add value to a situation or topic, but force themselves into a conversation just to hear themselves speak. The fake it until you make it days have long sense passed, and for most people I know fast and slick equals not credible. You’ve all heard the saying “it’s not what you say, but how you say it that matters,” and while there is surely an element of truth in that statement, I’m here to tell you that it matters very much what you say. Good communicators address both the “what” and “how” aspects of messaging so that they don’t fall prey to becoming the smooth talker who leaves people with the impression of form over substance.
10. Speak to groups as individuals: Leaders don’t always have the luxury of speaking to individuals in an intimate setting. Great communicators can tailor a message such that they can speak to 10 people in a conference room or 1,000 people in an auditorium and have them feel as if you were speaking directly to each one of them as an individual. Knowing how to work a room and establish credibility, trust and rapport are keys to successful interactions.

Can you imagine what your life would be like if you couldn’t communicate? That means no tone of voice, no body language or facial expressions, no words, no alphabet. Nothing.

Effective skills in communication are necessary to maintain and increase the quality of our lives. If we can’t communicate effectively, we will be led in a direction we don’t want to go. We all have misunderstandings within our relationships. And it would be very easy to become confused, frustrated and disappointed simply because we are unable to communicate appropriately.

Broken and difficult relationships can be avoided by understanding the principles of communication, and the pitfalls we encounter.

When we know and understand the process of communication, we can actively implement the principles, hone our skills, avoid the problems and become the effective communicators that we all desire to be.